Got My Hand Caught in the Cookie Jar

As a busy mom, improvising is a way of life.

Have YOU ever used:

Aluminum foil as a scrubber when your cast iron pan is real dirty?

A hair dryer to warm the bent frame of your glasses so you can bend it back into position?

Butter to remove your wedding ring? OR to put on chapped lips?

A plastic fork to substitute for a hair pick?

Eyeliner as a pen?

Socks as mittens?

A bathing suit bottom to substitute for underwear?

52 pieces of paper, with appropriate hand drawn markings, to replicate a deck of cards?

Guilty of all of above. My biggest new “substitution” happened the other evening. Being on an everlasting diet, I try not to keep chocolate and candy in the house. After a hectic day, an overwhelming chocolate craving overcame me. Frantically searching the house for one last piece of Easter candy, (or even a Halloween candy that had fallen behind the seat cushions,) my search came up empty. Desperate, I expanded my search, standing on a kitchen chair to look high into the cupboards. AND THERE IT WAS!!!! Hiding behind the flour and the spices sat the jar hubby proudly used to make chocolate covered strawberries. CHOCOLATE!!!! So there I sat, on the kitchen floor, sticking my finger into the jar of chocolate and licking it off with great satisfaction. Sometimes, you just have to improvise!

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I Ate From All the Major Food Groups at the Buffet…the DESSERT Buffet…

Before you “yell” at me, let me explain; my husband and I went to a buffet the other night and there was a long line for the regular buffet.  I was really hungry, AND I have been on a diet for YEARS, AND it was my birthday, AND did I mention I was very hungry?  As he grabbed a plate to wait in the loooooooooooong regular buffet line, I snuck over to the dessert buffet, perchance to find something healthy I could eat in lieu of waiting in the regular buffet line.  Lo and behold, I found desserts containing all of the major food  groups:

For protein, the custard and pecan pie (eggs and nuts) fit the bill.

The bread pudding counted as a grain.

For fruit, the strawberries with whipped cream and the blueberry cheesecake offered a sufficient amount of fruit, with the whipped cream and cheesecake also fulfilling the dairy requirement.

I had a little more trouble finding two servings of vegetables, but I solved that by choosing two pieces of carrot cake.  (A person’s got to do what a person’s got to do…)

I lined all of the pastries expertly up my arm and 3 fanned out in my hand like a diner waitress.  (Waitressing is a skill one never loses…)  I easily carried my little treasures back to the table, and chowed down. Mmmmmmm……..I hadn’t had desserts in so long it was SUCH a treat!  I savored each morsel, smiling on the inside as well as the outside.  I had managed to finish them all, had the waiter clear the table, and ordered a cup of tea before my husband came back from the regular buffet.  He was fuming at the long wait, and indicated there was a meat slicer who was obviously  new.  She took F O R E V E R to slice the prime rib and turkey and strategically place each piece daintily on each person’s plate. As he sat down, he looked at me, smiling, drinking my cup of tea. He asked “Aren’t you eating?” To which I replied, “I’m just sitting here enjoying my tea.  I think I will join you when you go up for dessert…”

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PS.  I would love to come and speak for your group or at your conference.  I would do it for free, but would need the price of travel. For functions in the North East, that would be only gas money.

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book:  http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/