Usually mornings are hectic; get up reluctantly, sleepily make a cup of tea, eat quickly, rummage through clothes to find a suitable outfit, and out the door I go. Yesterday was different. As I was rushing past the back door to get out, I stopped suddenly to look out the window at the pond and was mesmerized by the sight. The water was as smooth as glass, with the exception of the migrating ducks; whose criss cross swimming replicated that of precision swimmers. All were swimming in unison, zig zagging through the water leaving wakes behind them, which decorated the pond like a huge abstract painting. In all of my years, it is a wonder I never appreciated this artwork by nature before.
Stepping out into the cool October air, I drew a deep breath, savoring the crispness that filled my lungs. It was so invigorating that I walked to my car with a spring in my step and a smile of contentment on my face. Such days in October are a welcome treat after the long summer heat.
Driving to work on Route 295, my mood was elevated by the surprise of the colorful autumn trees. Although I had obviously seen them before in my rush to get to work, on this day the sight overwhelmed me, especially when driving from the shade into the bright sun, which delightfully shone down and highlighted the beauty of the yellows, oranges and reds. My heart got goose bumps as I continued to drive amidst the vibrant landscape.
Life is usually too rushed and my brain full of mingled thoughts to really appreciate my surroundings. This day was different, an almost spiritual reminder to appreciate the good things in life.
On my way home from work I impulsively stopped at the grocery store to buy some apple cider and cinnamon. Tomorrow I will have a cup of hot cider in the morning as I relax in my chair and soak in the beauty of the pond.
Please consider purchasing my book: The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids with Disabilities and Remaining Sane on Amazon.
A very large, very tall, very old 15 passenger van with a wheelchair lift with over 138,000 miles on it is my vehicle. Not my ideal choice, but “it is what it is” as all of our money is allocated elsewhere. (All those cute little kiddos with disabilities grow up to be cute little adults with disabilities who, unfortunately, find it impossible to be able to work. Not that that makes them any less wonderful, enjoyable or successful, it just puts a little extra strain on our family budget.)
In the van on Wednesday, I was enjoying a beautiful, crisp autumn day, with a slight wind moving the branches around for the trees to show off their few remaining colorful leaves just waiting to join their friends on the ground. Contentment filled the van as I hummed while I drove. I didn’t quite do the lovely singing I usually do because I was on a mission for work. (While driving to make home visits is not usually included in my job description, on this day I was helping out a colleague.) Because I am awful with directions, “mapquested” directions lay on the floor next to the driver’s seat.
As the van whisked along on the interstate highway, I noticed that the directions had moved towards the door. Keeping one eye on the road and one eye on the directions, I watched with panic as the papers moved closer to the door…down one of the steps…down the next step…and finally on the third step. It happened in the blink of my eye (the one that was watching the papers!) As I was in heavy traffic, it took a while to maneuver to the side of the road to stop, and the papers inched towards the bottom of the door. (The door gasket had long ago aged out and fallen away, leaving a space at least an inch wide at the bottom.) Panic set in as a piece of paper entered the crack and ever so slowly inched out…it was like seeing my life flash before my eyes, quarter inch by quarter inch, as the paper made its way free out of the opening. It was so surreal it reminded me of a cartoon…person chasing paper in the wind and the paper is always one step ahead, teasingly just a little bit out of reach! I would have laughed, but inside I was sick to my stomach. My directions were gone! The client I was going to be meeting would be sitting, forlorn, at her home, waiting patiently for the me that would never be able to find her house.
But WAIT! There was another paper there, clinging to the bottom step. Maybe I could salvage the final steps of the street directions. By this time, the van was safely stopped by the side of the road and I flung myself out of the driver’s seat onto the floor of the van to look down the stairwell. On my knees looking down, almost crying with happiness, I grabbed that one precious piece of paper…it included the final steps to get to the client’s home. I would be able to find her! I would make that visit! I was soooooo happy!
While in the scheme of things, losing mapquested directions would not be the end of the world, in retrospect it symbolizes the constant struggles one has when raising children with disabilities. There are often solutions to their problems, but they are flighty and hard to come by. Sometimes they flip through our fingers through no fault of our own and we are left in a slight panic, (sometimes a huge panic…) Fortunately for me, I have always found that last page to my mapquested directions, just enough to make life work out. Just enough to relieve my panic and restore the happiness in my heart. Such is the ups and downs in life…
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